That Drifting Excrement Was Far Too Meaningful! It's the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.

As we reflect on the TV offerings of the recent year, a handful of shows emerge not for their brilliance, but for their notable shortcomings. Ranging from awkward sequels to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the programmes that left us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this divisive spin-off? Burdened with woeful scripts, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final season started, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the last series. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, fans undeniably found joy picking apart every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the smallest of this show's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon zero star review, it was hard to know where to begin enumerating the problems. The hilariously wooden dialogue? The tedious veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly deliberate procession of cliches? Acting so poor they felt almost malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this three-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any pity this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but flippant narcissist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.

MobLand

Shady characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were plenty of other issues. Primarily that it was just profoundly boring; a dispute over narcotics territory between various cockney picaresques which seemed a bit basic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the extent to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into twee homemaking as deliberate provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Instead, the experience was akin to consuming a sales catalogue. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But sadly, she failed to do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you ask for? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to live up to something far greater than it.

Too Much

How does one follow a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart recruitment of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from strangely jaunty, somewhat mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and eliminating – academics honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who showed up to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and zero interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.